I Want: Moment

What comes to your mind when you are missing someone?

The one who can't be reached anymore.

For me, it will be the moment with him/her/them.

2015. My beloved grandma passed away.

After knowing that she really leave me, I realized something that really hurts me. I love her.

I regret all things I have now.

I wanna show her that I can graduate from college. I wanna give her my very first salary from part time job I do. I wanna buy her favourite pudding and ice cream. She loves those.

I wanna tell her that I got my first full-time job. I wanna see her smile, her reaction. I wanna listen to her advices for me to face this cruel world. I wanna know that she is worried about me coming home at 10 p.m. I wanna hear that she wants something. I wanna hear that she want me to buy her something and I am able to purchase it.

I want her and the moment with her. 

Then, I know those things are just the past moment that buried deeply in my mind. I miss it. 

I love you, grandma. 

2018. My lovely housemaid passed away.

She was sick like my grandma. She is younger than her. I miss her, too.

She was at my house even before I was born till when I was around 20 y.o.

I miss her angry face. But, I also have something to ask. I wanna ask whether she hate me or not. I wanna give her my first salary too. I want her cooking. I want her delicious chicken soup.

I miss all of you, Bi. 

2018. My lively soul has died.

I miss my child soul that sincerely love someone, happily receive a gift, cheerfully play with my friends. I miss but don't want to coming back. Especially my senior high school life. 

I wanna back at the time when I don't understand the hate in human, the social status, beauty, and those temporary possesivenes, pride in this earth. 

I realized that I couldn't feel the sincere feeling in my heart. My heart is hurt but I don't know what should I do. I smile, not my heart. I listen, not my heart. I care, not my heart. I hate, all things. that's my heart. I hate myself. I hate my family that complain about all things. 

I wanna go somewhere just for forever. I wannabe angry to all people. I hate all things happened in my life. I become furious about simple thing.

I calm my self down. I start better life. Then, I hate being alive. I hate morning, the task, the atmosphere, neighbor, neighboorhood, just all things. 

Till I feel so exhausted living in this hateful soul and body. 

I wanna die.

comadot
15.6.19
10:58

Kindly visit Our Mometn: I want for the poem I made.
Thank you!