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Leaving 2022 and Starting 2023

As soon as I publish this, I hope that what I am writing here is sincerely from me.

To end this year, I want to invite myself to tell more truths about myself that I have never realized before.
The first thing is trying to accept that I am not the main lead on my stage. Not yet. It is because I still prioritize others in the very first place. I am accepting it now and will always be accepting it as if it is my fate. It feels like I have to work harder than what I am doing now as a cameo in my scene. It is so far from the finish line. I feel that way until I want to finish the life I have faster.

The next thing is realizing that the sentence in my mind, "You are the only one who can give the satisfying love and care you deserve. So, do it harder and better.", is true. There is no one, including my own family, who can accept me inside out. There is no one, except my God, who can know and understand better the sincerity I have and give. It hurts, at first, when I realize my own nuclear family does not love me the way and how huge I do. It hurts. And still. However, I am learning and facing myself to give more hugs and compliments I did not get from them.

Furthermore, opening up to others is not that hard now, but it is still challenging at the same time. I am happy when I can share my stories with others and can see that they are listening. It did not feel the same way as I used to experience when some people are pretending.

Moreover, even though, I am still figuring out my comfort zone and its area on my radar, I feel better as if it is my first phase of experiencing living my own life. I am excited and nervous.

That will be all things I want to share to continue the next page of my life. I hope that I can share something more here.

Wishing myself a bit of good luck and providing the space for all of those sets of compliments I deserve.
Let's start something instead of getting better.

Chapter 2022 is ending soon and I am preparing to turn to the next Chapter, 2023.

You do perform well this year!

-Qorin Rahmaniyah | December 31st, 2022-

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